OH BRAH, I DON'T DO THAT!

Kailua-kona, hawaii - september 4, 2014

One mid-summer’s day, I was summoned to an urgent trip to the islands. Don’t get me wrong, this is our specialty. If you’ve got a problem and need a quick response, we are THE company for you. We love being our clients’ “Go-To” solution. Yes, that was a shameless plug and I sincerely thank you for indulging me.

This trip was special. It would be the first time in our short history that we could prove our capabilities for quick action so remote from the mainland. This was memorable because we could add Hawaii to our growing list of areas we serve. We were no longer simply in California or the Pacific Southwest. We were rapidly going nationwide and this trip was a huge milestone for us.

Normally, I try to squeeze in a little time for even a single day’s R&R, but not this time. I’d fly out of LAX at 5 PM on a Wednesday, work Thursday, then return home Friday. My daughter had a dance recital the following Sunday and I wasn’t going to miss it.

I made it to my destination along the western shore of the Big Island and settled into an excellent timeshare south of Kailua-Kona. We found a gem called Holua Resort at the Mauna Loa Village.  I was placed in a one-bedroom Garden View Villa. The service and accommodations were exceptional.

Rested and ready to win one for our clients, I started my day. We wowed them! We successfully conquered all the challenges we faced and even left our customers admittedly pleased beyond their expectations. It was an awesome day.

I was on Cloud 9 and it was time to celebrate so I rushed back to my palatial digs just ready to burst, brag, and tell… oh wait, there was no one there to tell. No one to impress with exaggerated tales of facing crisis head-on and beating it back to obscurity. No one to say, “Yep, you guys really shined today! Now you’re national. Next stop THE WORLD!”

My spirit refused to be defeated. “I know just what I’ll do,” I reassured myself. So I headed over to an incredible restaurant called Rays On The Bay. It’s strategically nestled within the Sheraton Kona Resort & Spa at Keauhou Bay. The setting was, without any fear of overstatement, breathtaking.

The Bill of Fare included all fresh caught fish from the sea below and Rays, as in Manta Rays, prominently points out that they are “the only Hawaii Island restaurant built on lava cliffs so close to the ocean it offers a perfect view to Keauhou Bay.” This was the ideal place to celebrate my company’s landmark day.

The only thing missing was someone to share it with. It was one of those nights when the road can be cruel to a single man traveling alone. I couldn’t let my solitude set me back. The melodic stylings of a sweetly weeping slack key guitar filled the air. The local trio sang longingly as a stunning lady in Hawaiian silks glided joyfully to each Hawaiian song.

Ah, sweet inspiration. Perhaps, I had picked the right spot to find someone to share the perfect day with. All I hoped for was to meet someone lovely I could share dinner with and to tell how incredible my day had been. I was in paradise. Magic filled the air and anything was possible.

Now, let’s get back to reality. Well, let’s get back to reality as it relates to me. I am the worst when it comes to talking to a woman I am interested in. I don’t do it at all. If I was a fisherman I would be comparable to a guy that sat on a lake all day and would starve if the fish didn’t jump into the boat.

So there I sat in one of the most romantic and idyllic settings ever. I found an appetizer and salad that were terrific and I was dutiful in making sure I soaked in all that was my one-man celebration. I watched groups of beautiful ladies laughing and sharing drinks at the bar and that’s when I got my nerve. I walked to the edge of the bar and hailed the bartender. You didn’t actually think I was going to say I addressed any of these fun and eligible ladies, did you?

My barkeep was a fit and friendly fellow in his mid-thirties. He was a local and spoke with a thick Pidgin accent. He welcomed me with a big smile and asked what I needed. Well, it took me a while, but more or less I was trying to ask him if he knew any of the ladies across the bar and if so could he introduce me to them. What could go wrong, that’s how I saw it done on The Love Boat with Isaac for years.

His smile rapidly disappeared and his face went flush red with embarrassment. He promptly exclaimed, “Oh Brah, I DON’T DO THAT!” Oh my gosh, oh no. He thought I thought he was a pimp.

Did he think I was a lonely John? I knew they weren’t sweet painted ladies. I knew they were other business travelers. Now, I was even redder than he was.

I didn’t even try to explain or clarify. Quite frankly, I didn’t care if he did think that. I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as humanly possible. I have never been more embarrassed in my life.

As I made it safely back to the quiet and isolated comforts of my room I was grateful I was alone and that no one witnessed me crashing and burning as badly as I had. At least I can laugh about it now. Who am I kidding? I laughed about it then! Let’s face it, sometimes it’s a whole lot easier just traveling alone!