YOU WANT WHAT ON YOUR CHEESESTEAK?! 

PHILADELPHIA - OCTOBER 10, 2015

In all my travels, I’d yet to visit Philadelphia. Not a single hour in the Constitution City.  Not so much as a passing connection through the airport. Now, I’ve found myself there four times in the past 12 months. Let’s quickly get something straight before I continue.

I do not like Philadelphia… I LOVE IT!

Recently, The Chan and I found ourselves in The Birthplace of America. Accordingly, it was time for us to share in something so quintessentially Philadelphia. We set out for an authentic Philly cheesesteak and Chandler was in luck. Not only was it his first ever Philly cheesesteak, but his first cheesesteak of any kind. For me, I wasn’t quite as lucky.

My lack of good fortune had nothing to do with my personal cheesesteak history. It was due to me being a Vegan. Why I’m one is for another time, but it’s safe to say the last place a Vegan could likely find a good meal would be at one of Philadelphia’s oldest and most renowned establishments for the perfect cheesesteak.

So, determined to show Chandler the world, I set out to locate the ideal place to go. I searched Yelp, called family and friends, and even asked any local passersby where they’d go. The choice for us was clear. If we were really going to do a Philly cheesesteak right, we had to go to Jim’s Steaks South Street.

Established in 1939 their website boasted, “Five-time winner of Philadelphia Magazine's 'Best of Philly' award and Zagat rated, Jim's is your 'must-have' cheesesteak when only the BEST will do.” Uh, ok I’m sold. If Chan ‘must have’ a cheesesteak, then yes “only the BEST will do.”  Jim’s Steaks South Street it was.

So there we were, standing on the street on a cold late afternoon in October. While it was probably downright warm for the locals, these thin-skinned tourists from So Cal were feeling it. Your cold and our cold may tend to vary. We were told that the line, by normal standards, wasn’t really long at all. We stood among the anticipating faithful along the side of the building on 4th Street facing north to South Street.

It’s been my experience that lines are whatever you make of them. Our line was completely bearable and even fun. We chatted with natives and fellow tourists alike as we all waited our turn at the grill to place our order. Aw, the grill. Our reason for being there. The Mecca of our pilgrimage.

All that remained of our 45-minute journey to Nirvana was a left turn onto South Street, a left turn into the narrow bistro, then a serpentine system of queuing poles that would guide us to our grill aficionados at the ready to fulfill the cheesesteak desires of our hearts.

As we made our final approach, I carefully reviewed the bold black menus above the station. I wanted to be sure I had all the rules down so I wouldn’t slowdown this well-tuned machine. “Jim’s Steaks accepts cash only.” Not a problem.  That’s when I saw it on the menu, Jim’s featured ‘Maxine’s Meatless.’  I could order me grilled peppers and mushrooms. I was in the clear. What could possibly go wrong?

Time to place our orders. The Chan efficiently ordered a Cheese Steak with Provolone. So far so good. Now, it was my turn. The turn I dreaded ever since two locals warned me earlier that it would be social death if I dare order it.

The grill attendant looked me square in the eye and asked, “What’ll it be?” I took a deep breath and stated, “I’d like Maxine’s Meatless with only peppers and mushrooms and no cheese.” Well, you could’ve heard a pin drop. The bustling line quickly became stone silent as the murmurs from the disbelieving masses rose.

The incredulous chef was certain he didn’t hear me right.  “YOU WANT WHAT ON YOUR CHEESESTEAK?!” He demanded. Yes, I’m a Vegan and would like Maxine’s Meatless please with no cheese. “So, you just want a roll with some mushrooms and peppers and nothing else?!?!?!” he clarified.

I assured him that would be the order of my dreams. I even tried to lighten the mood by quipping, “You know, the best part about this is once I get that delicious sandwich of yours, I promise to leave.”  Well, I thought it was funny. All I got was a disapproving grunt from my put off friend.

The funny part was, he wasn’t put off by it in the least.  He was doing his job making sure everyone knew he was accommodating a lightweight crazy enough to try and order Vegan in a Steak house. He was playing the part.  He was showing this tourist what it was to cross the wrong guy in Philly. He was awesome. It was the City of Brotherly Love in all its glory.

It’s worth noting that in the midst of this busy Saturday dinner rush these wonderful chefs stopped what they were doing and went above and beyond for me. They carefully scrubbed down their overflowing grill and made sure there wasn’t a bit of meat or trace of dairy anywhere on it before they proceeded to grill my veggies. My new friend loudly belted out a disapproving “WELL, HERE YOU GO!” as he handed me my sandwich.

As I attempted my quiet escape he tilted his hand by giving me a sly grin and little wink. If nothing else, I’m sure he figured I earned that delicious meal after enduring the hard time everyone was giving me. I loved every minute of every minute of it. The Chan did, too.

After all, who can say they watched someone fearlessly order a non-meat and non-cheese Philly Cheesesteak from Jim’s Steaks South Street – Philadelphia and survived to tell about it!

I cannot wait to get back there again.